7 mins

How to survive the end of the world

The French are desperate to keep the only place set to survive the end of the world to themselves. We won't let them.

Bugarach, France

The French government has stepped in to stop Doomsdays sects taking over a sleepy hamlet in southern France after word leaked out that it would be the only place that would survive the end of the world on December 21 next year.

Bugarach, with a population of just 200, has long been regarded as a ‘special’ place.  It nestles beneath Pic de Bugarach, an “upside-down” mountain where the top layers are older than the lower ones. As the astute amongst you already know that can only mean one of three things: the mountain is protected by a powerful magnetic field; it is the site of a concealed alien base; or it is the access to another world.

In recent months there has been an influx of foreign sects buying up land, in the area, keen to secure somewhere to see out the end of the world with a baguette, soft cheese and a robust red. The French agency for financial scams and psychological manipulation, Miviludes, has decided to monitor the village until December 21, 2012 when many of the sects, taking their cue from Mayan prophecy, believe the world will end.

Miviludes is right to be worried. Members of the American Ramtha School of Enlightment have already snapped up six properties. (You know the Ramthas – they follow the mystic teachings of Ramtha, a Lemurean warrior who fought the residents of the mythical Atlantis 35,000 years ago, and is said to have discovered the secret of immortality.) And the Raelians, founded by a former sports-car journalist who claims to have had repeated encounters with aliens, are sniffing around too. Left unchecked, there’d be nowhere left for employees of shadowy government organisations to ride out what promise to be a particularly rough Christmas.

Those of you considering a visit to Bugarach next December, just in case, have already left it too late. In the name of research, Wanderlust just tried to book a room at the hotel nearest to the mountain, the Logis Auberge Ecluse Au Soleil. Set in an old stone farmouse, with free internet and free parking, it is rated very highly by guests, achieving an enviable 8.2 from visitors to Maplandia.com. Sadly, the night of December 21 is already fully booked.

Looks like we’ll have to revert to Plan B.

A night at the Two Brewers, our local here in Windsor.

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