39 perils that every adventurous person must face

1: Travel bores

They’ve been there and done that – usually bigger, better and cheaper than you. And they can't wait to tell you all about it.

2: Cravings

You never realise how much you love Marmite or a proper cuppa until you stand no chance of getting them.

3: Traveller ‘chic’

Walking into a trendy bar wearing zip-off trousers, all-purpose T-shirt and clumpy boots, because that’s all you’ve got.

4: Packing

Overdoing it on the suncream, insect repellent and ‘just-in-cases’ will leave you no room for a change of clothes, let alone souvenirs.

5: Shopping sensibly

You put off buying something to shop around for a good bargain (fruitlessly), then can’t remember where the original shop was.

6: Loos

Trying to find one, turning a blind eye to its dirtiness, and unearthing a scrap of loo roll are genuine life skills.

7: Hitchhikers

Choose between the guilt of leaving them beside the road or the fear of having a potential loon on your back seat.

8: Selfie sticks

Just no. Got one? Here's what to do with it...

9: Jabs

The sharp end of travelling to more exotic places. Whether you find them mildly uncomfortable or downright torturous, they're not fun.

10: Passport hell

That moment when you discover it expires the day before you get back.

11: Rooms above restaurants

Very handy when you’re hungry, but do you really want to be reminded of what you ate when you wake up the next morning?

12: Suspicion-guilt

The friendly locals’ charm and language skills will make you feel even worse for doubting their motives.

13: Fellow travellers

You finally make it to your remote Pacific island only to find it crowded with a swarm of tourists – all with the same idea.

14: Souk disorientation

Aimless wandering soon becomes a desperate search for the exit.

15: That dodgy meal

It only takes one to make the rest of your trip a constant search for the loo (see point 6).

16: Foreign beer

Delicious, yes. But often made with extra hangover-inducing chemicals.

17: The insurance gamble

Get the best cover and nothing goes wrong. Spend less and you know you'll come a cropper.

18: When bartering gets awkward

Who’s ripping off who?

19: Trying to find an 'authentic' chili con carne in Mexico

Alas, this is not a real Mexican dish. Grasshoppers are, however.

20: Bad timing

Want to see the whales/Northern Lights/Big Five? “Oh, you should have been here yesterday...”

21: Monsoon season

Makes travel very cheap, but very very soggy.

22: Single supplements

Solo travel's greatest injustice.

23: Baggage carousels

The point where you realise that fluorescent orange would have made a better choice than tasteful black.

24: Officials

Jobsworths the lot of ’em, from four-forms-for-one-train-ticket bureaucrats to power-crazed border police.

25: Language barriers

One wrong Spanish verb and ‘I’m hot’ becomes ‘I’m horny’. Apologise with what you think is ‘I’m embarrassed’, and you could be telling them you’re pregnant.

26: Exchange rates

Why are they never a nice multiple of ten?

27: Unwelcome room-mates

The mosquito that only buzzes when the light’s off, the cockroach that’s just too quick for your thwack, and the scorpion that thinks your shoe is a good place to sleep.

28: Films shown on long-distance buses

Invariably a Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude van Damme masterpiece, deafeningly dubbed, and on loop for the entire journey.

29: Jetlag

Sure, there are ways to avoid it – but there are hundreds more to make it worse.

30: Mini-bars

The priciest alcohol known to mankind, but it still seems like a good idea when you get back to your room from the bar.

31: Clingers

At first they seemed nice, but now you can't shake them. Those people who turn chance encounters into awkward travel togetherness.

32: Leeches

Nasty little suckers that see you as lunch on legs.

33: Unintelligible menus

Trying the koç yumurtasi could bring culinary heaven, or it could bring ram’s testicles.

34: Banks and embassies

Never, ever, open when you need one.

35: Taxi drivers

Taking you the longest route possible, so they can relieve you of your first week’s budget.

36: 'Wild wee' litter

You’ve waited years to do the Inca Trail, then complete it with someone else’s bog roll stuck to your feet.

37: Camel rides

Think you’re going to look like Lawrence of Arabia? Not a chance. A more uncomfortable and inelegant mode of transport has yet to be devised.

38: Paper-thin hotel walls

On one side there’s a snoring German, and on the other there's a couple working their way through the Kama Sutra.

39: Coming home

You know it’s got to happen sooner or later, but that doesn't make it any nicer...