In this issue of Wanderlust magazine

June 2013 issue • On sale from 23 May

In the June issue of Wanderlust it's all about dream destinations, the places on every traveller's wishlist including...

Everest Base Camp: 60 years after the highest peak on earth was first summited, we prove you don't need to be a mountaineer to experience its magic.

African Safari: Go walking among giants in Tanzania on the ultimate safari experience.

Galapagos: Discover the wildlife and local culture on Ecuador's most famous islands both by land and sea.

Antarctica: Penguins, glaciers and endless adventure at the edge of the world.

PLUS: Get paid to travel - find out how you can see the world AND make money, instant escapes to Corsica, Sweden, the Amalfi Coast and much, much more...

Click here to subscribe and receive a FREE £50 travel voucher.


June 2013

Subscribe here >>>

Thank you Mr Longstaff!

Part of the trip - Honeymoon #4 - Emerald Botswana & Zambia
10th January
Rating: (6 votes)
rateraterateraterate

16 comments
Read the comments

I loathed French! It wasn’t the fact that I had to learn another language, as I already had some Latin under my belt. It was because I wanted to learn Spanish.

I remember the day vividly. I remember the day because it was the only day I received a detention during my schooling. My perfect record, for not getting caught at least, had slipped away with my uttering of those fateful words: ‘Fucrying out loud (or some such)! Why do we learn such useless phrases?’

Of course I’d meant to utter them only for the benefit of my partner in crime of the time but my youthful exuberance had got the better of me and I’d momentarily lost volume control. Mr Longstaff, reputedly a failed member of the SAS and with a reach seemingly greater than the Severn Bridge, pounced immediately causing me to levitate using a single finger and thumb placed cruelly on either side of one of my lugs. I was cast out of French (Set 3) to report for detention.

To put this in further context.... I loathed French! It wasn’t the fact that I had to learn another language, as I already had some Latin under my belt. It was because I wanted to learn Spanish. My father was doing much of his wildlife photography at that time in and around Spain and the Balearics and as he took me to all of those wonderful places, I was keen to learn something of use. However, in a cruel catch-22, because I was not good enough at French, I was not allowed to take Spanish, and because I was not allowed to take Spanish.... I hated French.... hence Set 3....

Roll forward several decades and another hemisphere. Ten days ago, MrsG and I were perched in an open-sided Land Rover in the simply stunning South Luangwa in Zambia. It is emerald season in December.... the first rains had conjured out the freshest of new shoots from the previously barren sandy soils and the foliage was bursting forth on every bough. The denizens of the valley were revelling in this time of relative luxury, with gleaming sleek coats stretched over fattening haunches. Eles were cavorting and snorkelling in the rivers and standing lagoons rather than rushing headlong into them in the last rays of the sun to slake their thirst and sponge off the dust of another day.And there were young all around, of every species.... signs of the good times. 

Together with a delightful French couple who were Zambian residents for a year or two courtesy of some voluntary organisation, we had found a female leopard. She had cubs somewhere to feed and was intent on hunting nearby impala. Their fawns were tottering around on spindly new limbs and looked easy prey. But there were also a few vervet monkeys scampering around in the low scrub which would make a likely snack too. Marie had not seen the vervet mother clutching an incredibly wrinkly infant and she murmured to Guillaume: ‘Ou est le singe?’

‘Le singe est sous les arbres’

Had I just said that? I had! Apologies Mr Longstaff! And thanks.... something from your teachings stuck with me all these years.....

I talked Marie & Guillaume through this tale as I collapsed in fits of giggles. They empathised. Apparently the equivalent phrase in English for them was: ‘My tailor is rich’! The leopard did not make a kill through no fault of ours.

View all Experiences from this member

Next

You must be logged in to leave a comment. Login or get more from Wanderlust - register today!

Comments

16 comments
  • 10th January by ocelus

    I can't believe you ever had to do detention, now me I had a season ticket. If you look back at this forum post I mentioned the same useful phrase, another useful phrase I remember le livre est sur la table. Glad to see you're back Hwyl fawr Kev.


    Report as inappropriate
  • 10th January by bilbo_baggins

    Welcome back to the FITBYC (is that right?)

    You obviously had a much more interesting French teacher than me. I don't think we were ever taught the word for monkey - horse, yes; cat, yes; dog, yes; but nothing exotic. And he went and abandoned us for French speaking Chad so you'd think he would have.

    And yes, I am slowly turning a very unbecoming shade of green...

    BB xx


    Report as inappropriate
  • 11th January by Alan Taylor

    It is great to have you back and posting such good stuff.

    I still cannot check in to a French or Belgian hotel run by persons of a certain age without being told "My tailor is rich".  If only!


    Report as inappropriate
  • 11th January by Sergeant_Pluck

    Happy New Year, G-man.



    I got thrown out of French class once for calling a classmate a f*******g b******d. I got a week's detention, but the lesson clearly stuck as everytime I see a French person now, I think 'what a f******g b******d.'


    Report as inappropriate
  • 11th January by hmoat 01

    I like the way you approach stories from a slightly different angle, DrG.

    Good old school days (maybe not!). My German teacher was not impressed with my language skills. I recall getting 17% in one exam. I think, she would die of schock, if she knew I had a degree in German now!


    Report as inappropriate
  • 11th January by hmoat 01

    Schock??? Shock! It must be talking about German made me write that!


    Report as inappropriate
  • 11th January by steve48

    Hi Dr G. I once went on a safari in the Masai Mara with a French couple. We got on really well even though my French was no better than their English. 

    When I spotted an ostrich in the distance I shouted out "autriche" - much to their puzzlement, and then amusement when they too had spotted the ostrich.  

    I was effectively pointing to the distant African hills and shouting out "Austria!" (The French for ostrich is autruche).



    By the way, did you eventually learn Spanish?


    Report as inappropriate
  • 11th January by JayR

    La plume de ma tante ... nice one, Jon.


    Report as inappropriate
  • 12th January by Liz Cleere

    Good moaning, Docteur. Loved the piece, except it took me back to school and feelings of inadequacy in both French and German classes. Mange tout, DrG, mange tout.


    Report as inappropriate
  • 12th January by Fintown Trekker

    Brilliant story. Classically woven; sure we love to be taken back to our school days as much as our travels! I had one of those 'made you levitate' sadists in primary school. But I have a hazier memory of LOVING my honours French for the Leaving Cert. Well I think I did.....You couldn't dig me out of Guy de Maupassant or maybe it 'twas more to do with le désir that someday Frenchie, Monsieur McCarthy, would just end up being 20 mins lates. Just feckin' once! And on that single beautiful day mon dieu, s'il vous plaît he would have to dig me out of the smothering embraces of the four babes that were in honours French with one fella. But it never happened. Not even once....?  Feck all that French and as for yr man Guy de Maupassant...well, enough said!!  



    Anyway great story, well told. You mightn't have got too many trés biens at school but I'm thinking you woz one of dem swots who didded gets wild lots of wee scrawls at the bottom of the page that was sometimes hard to make out: things and symbols like  VG, or V Good or vg or vry gd.....or course even that marking has evolved:

     today we know it on myWander to simply be, Vintage Gee!





    Report as inappropriate
  • 12th January by ttbko

    another classic "G"ism.  My only school languages story was that, having been bored half to tears in french (I am of a certain age and cant possibly refer to "french lessons"!!!)  I suddenly rediscovered an interest at around the time a new, young, French teaching student came to our school on a year's placement from some University across the channel.  Notwithstanding the enormous, life changing, crush I (and enormous numbers of my peers of both genders) developed on him, my language skills didnt improve but I was deeply deeply chuffed when I bought my first Jean Michel Jarre album in my late teens to learn he had been "that" man......   ohmygod!!!!!!!!!!  I have never recovered!!!!


    Report as inappropriate
  • 12th January by Alan Taylor

    Thanks for your comment, Jon.  Happy New Year to you too.


    Report as inappropriate
  • 13th January by Angela R

    That phrase was part of Eddie Izzard's act at one time.  It is still the only bit of French my other half knows because I drummed it into him (he didn't do French at school).  I did eventually give in and let him know what it meant in fear he might actually try and use it!  Not a lot of use when ordering two beers.



    Report as inappropriate
  • 14th January by Rhoda1

    Yes you are


    Report as inappropriate
  • 14th January by hmoat 01

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1sQkEfAdfY



    This story and Angela's comment led me to this. Eddie Izzard, comedy genius and completely of the wall.



    @ ttbko - did I understand that right - you were taught by Jean Michelle Jarre???!


    Report as inappropriate
  • 14th January by ocelus

    I see you've got your winter coat back on (profile pic). I had a fantastic time on my trip to the big smoke thanks, it was a bit cold out though. Went to the Science & Natural History museums and went to see Chicago on Sat, also had a great walk along the Thames from Tower Bridge to Westminster. I'll have to post a few pics.


    Report as inappropriate

myWanderlust

Welcome to our community

Member Login


Not a member?

Get more from Wanderlust - register today!
Sign up here

Search

Enter a region, country or destination

Find a member:
select
select
select
select
Departure date:
Open the calendar popup.
Return date:
Open the calendar popup.
Date flexibility:
Spin UpSpin Down
Search

Need some travel planning inspiration?

Simply select the destination you’re interested in or the activities you’re looking for and we’ll send your request to a select panel of tour operators.

Each operator will respond to your request individually. Your details remain private and are not disclosed to any partners unless you decide to proceed with a booking. Enjoy!

Search
Email

Wanderlust in your inbox

Wanderlust sends out regular email newsletters – be the first to know about web exclusives, competitions, hot offers and travel jobs. Register today!





I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions

Submit